I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
