It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
