i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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