The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
