I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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