I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
3pm strippers are depressing
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
