She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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