Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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