I wish my penis had an off switch
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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