just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
