i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
