dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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