i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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