I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
