...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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