Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
