shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
