I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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