im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
