Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
