I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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