At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
