youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
