no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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