i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
