All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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