Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
