I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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