What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
