I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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