You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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