Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
