ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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