he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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