I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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