So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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