I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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