doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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