My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
