Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
