Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
