sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
