I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
