I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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