im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
