MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
