I think I won the penis lottery.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
