his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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