I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
