Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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